Un-expected

This is kind of a personal post, but I wanted to write about something that I am dealing with as of today..I just got my A-level results, and they were totally not what I expected. They were much lower than what I thought, and in one subject I got a U! I decided to write down what i’m feeling, and my thoughts, to help me work out what to make of the whole situation, and how to process it mentally.

Its hard not to think that because my grades were so bad, I am just not that intelligent, and toΒ blame yourselfΒ for your own inadequacies. To think to yourself ‘what did I do wrong’ or what’s wrong with me?’, especially when I tried my best in the lead up to the exams and in the actual exams themselves. Like, if that was me at my best, and I still wasn’t good enough for even a pass, then I must be extremely incapable and lacking. But, just looking over this sentence I know in my own mind that I AM NOT UNINTELLIGENT, and I am capable. I am strong, and sharp, and as long I don’t lose faith in myself I will be fine. I can use this event to shape my future going forward, and push myself to do better, and achieve something I am proud of.

Another thing I am just considering, is how when other people that you know took the same A-levels as you did, and did much better, you again look at yourself at think, ‘why did I do so bad then, what’s wrong with me’? You just feel embarrassed and ashamed, and it’s not a good time for your self esteem.

But you just have to REMEMBER, you’re in control of your future from here on out, and if you don’t like how this particular situation went, the YOU have to work to change it, and improve and make something of yourself. And who knows, this can actually push you to go even further than you would have without it!

One in a Million

I am one amongst the millions of teenagers/young adults at the moment who are part of the sensation revolving around bloggers and youtubers. And I think it’s great! I love watching videos, am a huge consumer of youtube videos, and I just find it relaxing to watch one(or, lets face it, several) of my fave vloggers going through their day, or their wardrobe, or whatever it may be! This is why I think a lot of people feel, and why we watch youtube, and what I love about it personally. It’s just a good way to chill out!

There are so many regular high school students, college or uni students, and even post uni people out there, that just decided one day to start, and just take that chance, and launch their own media platform. I have seen youtubers like Zoella, IntheFrow, LucyandLydia and just felt like ‘I would love to do this!’. But then there are also times when I feel like this field is too filled with so many people out there trying, not to copy, but to take inspiration, and do a similar thing, and express their own thoughts, ideas and takes on things. And no one will even see mine, so what’s the point?! But I don’t really mind if that is the case, I simply want to put my thoughts down, and push myself a little creatively speaking!

So here I am at 11:00 in the morning, in my living room, as an A-level student working from home. This I think is what is good, is that I work from home, I am in the house with free time quite often, so I might as well make use of that and just do it!

I have been thinking/pondering/yearningΒ on this blogging thing, and if I think too long then that creative spark, that hit of inspiration, dies and I end up not going and making that first post on here. I actually made the blog, and came up with the name, which I’m pretty proud of if I do say so myself ;)) -a few months ago! And I kept waiting for an early morning, when it was the right time and I knew just what to write. I guess right now Β I just thought i’d like to write about the longing I felt to start something, and just get my thoughts out there, just to see if anyone else felt the same.